Well I cant believe I'm was so busy for the past few weeks, that it almost virtually killed me off. I managed to survive with just really dark eye bags, a persistent sore throat, a bloody weird feeling like over-stretching of the neck and a flu. Right now my head is feeling warm, my nose feels kinda stingy. I've checked the mirror, it made my eye bags looked even more obvious. Why am I'm blogging now instead of resting? Heck if I know.
I think I'm not really myself for the past few months. I've lived those days like some zombie, or with some alien manipulating my body with some weird devices. Everything seems oblivious to me. Maybe it's just mental fatigue. Physically, I seem normal. Mentally, I'm exhausted. It's almost near the breaking point. The reason is kinda dumb if you ask me. It's neither bout the hectic JC life, it's not bout being disappointed with your CCA nor it's not about not being able to meet any with the same frequency.
It's about me. Me(s).
In my head, there seems to be a war waging between two parties. Or perhaps even more. Who knows? Those stuffs above regarding bout the school and stuffs, well, they're more like catalysts. Something happened early this year, and I forgot what really happened. Or what even happened. I just lost faith in my view, my values, my beliefs and everything else. I lost faith in myself.
This bloody war in my head is getting into me. The mind could only handle so much, yet it still marvels me. Almost a year and still going quite strong, but it's showing signs of cracks in its defences.
I need faith, but faith only exists for those who truly believes in it?
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