Time may heal wounds, but it sure can't make one forget

While typing bout' me not trusting my parents, it's a personal thing. I remember at some point in my Sec 4 life, I've written this sentence in a chinese compo :

Parents are humans after all, and humans do err from time to time. If we don't forgive our parents for their mistake, then who will?

I can tell anyone straight in the eye, that I've lived up to the sentence. If not, I'll dare say that life would be very different from now. But I do blame them from time to time for stupid doing stupid things, but there's one thing which cannot be easily forgetten through the passage of time. They failed to be there with me at my lowest point of life. When I fell to the lowest point of life, where were you when I needed you the most? I remember. No one was there to help me. I was all alone. Life never returned to 100% normal.

I'm not sure if anyone has such experience like mine, but I know one thing for sure. There're people out there who experienced worse than me. I also believe that I did a great job of being optimistic bout' life, cause I forgot alot of bad experiences I had. I only remembered the main points.

My life went haywire when I reached Primary 1. As I was unable to enter Red Swastika School, I entered Min Xin Primary instead. It was there I changed. I met this guy named Michael, from Taiwan. We and some few guys always hanged around each other, and he's older than us, so that made him the boss. It's from him I learnt vulgarities, how to fight. I admit, my brother became bad due to my influence. I unleashed vulgarities and always got into a fight with him. I also cursed my parents with vulgarities. I was 6~7 years old that time. I lost interest in schooling and I dropped from 3rd position to 22th position in class.

What made me to change to become a better, not necessarily a very obedient guy, was that one time my Mom broke down and wept in front of me. It was the first time (And certainly not the last) I saw her cry. And man, she cried hard. I did my best, ditched those bad behaviours. Due to being a nice guy in school now, I found it hard to adapt back to school life. From that instance, I never loved to attend school. And I never did. My life changed again when I tried to walk down the "correct" path in life. I lost friends, I got backstabbed, I was depressed.

Friends left me for I became a goody two shoes. My best pal ditched me for those friends, and I remembered his words til now :" Who wants to be friends with you? You're weird, and you're a sissy."

My life reached its lowest point. I had no one to depend on. My parents were Very, Very BUSY, and had "no" time to listen and guide me. So I was left practically alone. For 2~3 years in school, I felt depressed. To make it worse, my thinking and behaviours were very different from the others, so it's called lacking "universally accpeted personality traits". So I was isolated from everyone. I thought of commiting sucide, transferring/skipping schools. Life totally suck at that time. It sucked so badly that I cried almost everyday after school for the pitiful existence I had. But thankfully, I was mentally strong enough not to actually jump off my block to end my life.

I pity Humanity's existence and also wanted to either wipe out or re-modify it to near perfection. I actually admired Lex-Luthor, arch-nemisis of Superman. I became repressed, refused to talk to anyone, refused to trust anyone. Life turned for the better when I met Mrs Krishnan during my Pri 4 and 5 years. With her encouragement, supervision, I fared better in my studies. I got into EM 1! There's another teacher which have a great impact on my life. Ms Yeo. Firstly, she's beautiful, she got the body, and best of all, her personality. This would be the first time in 4 years that I talked bout' her. Apart from that she's so gorgeous that my jaws dropped, she was patient, nice, funny and strict. But one thing which I seriously got uncomfortable was that she kept asking me if I was okay and needed someone to talk to. I, don't want to seek help. I don't want people to think that I'm a mentally ill person. She taught me to be how to live life and be optimistic bout' it. She also shaped my vision of the type of girl I would want to marry eventually one day. Hope to find her soon =)

I never recovered fully from Depression though, my parents also never knew bout' this cause I never made any effort to tell them since they went "yeah whatever" when I told them of my hellish primary school life. I never consulted a doctor bout' it. But I reviewed the symptoms based on a commercial by the Government back in those days bout' suffering Depression.

1) Do you feel sad, tired of life? - Yeah
2) Do you lack appetite - Nope, I indulged in food that I became fat
3) Have you thought of commiting sucide - Hell yeah

It's something like that, but I don't recall all of them.

I broke down twice in secondary school. I lost friends as a result, and it's hard to even say hi to them. I could never fully trust people, not even my own family. Being repressed for most of my primary school years also resulted me in having difficulty of making friends, cause I refused to interact often. I made a bet with God (I think he DO exist)that I if I could enter 3E1 with my horrible results (It's because I can't be bothered with the other tests and exams, only the end of the year's. I did quite well but they took the overall 4 exams =.=) and become a better man for one of the few girls who attracted me (I can say that I only got attracted by 5 girls only in my life so far). Apparently I went to 3E1 and she went into the same class too =X

I must say I've changed alot since Sec 3, in terms of thinking and behaviour. I love my class, my friends, my family (Although there's many toe-stepping still occurring) and life.

I dream to see the world, and how its inhabitants are doing. I dream of craving my own business empire and influence and improve the life and quality of humanity. I believe, we, humanity were given such power to out-evolve other organisms for a specific reason. I prefer to believe that it's to make the world a better place for everything and everyone. And of course, what's life without enjoyment? I want to open a club/pub/disco or whatever it's called, to bring all people who love life together and party~!!!

A personal quote: Since teenage life is dominated by the raging hormones, why not embrace it and admire the opposite gender? Oogling at them is not being pervertic or bad or whatsoever. Not oogling at them will be kinda worrying, especially when someone says that he has no interest in the opposite gender.