Just less than 1 hour ago, I got into this major fight with my

MAJOR RETARDED BROTHER WHO IS A SELF-CLAIMED COMPUTER EXPERT BUT DO NOT KNOW HOW TO SHUT DOWN THE COM PROPERLY, WHICH DIED TWICE DUE TO SUDDEN SHUTDOWN BY SWITCHING OF THE POWER, WHO'S VERY COCKY JUST BECAUSE HIS PW PRESENTATION WAS SHOWN TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND HAD A TEACHER TO PRAISE HIM TO THE SKIES.

over the computer. Again. The day before,this retard killed the com by abruptly cutting off its power by closing the power switch. Com can't start, the retard whines until I came home from a 4hr tuition session. I came home, attempted to save the com, but I knew my limit and decided to cease all "Saving" actions on the com until help arrives. Retard who thought he's a genius, went to PC recovery, and reformatted the whole hard disk. About 80 GB of information wiped cleaned. Thank God I backed up most files in my external Hard Disk, but then some of important information in the main Hard Disk was gone. Mr KuKu Head, with alot of confidence and pride, told our sis to convey this message to me :

"Go and tell GeGe, I repair the com liao =P."

I heard his voice. Darn cocky. I hate this attitude especially from a loser. He did not even know that he formatted the com. Til I bowed to him for being a retard.

After this whole retarded incident, I accepted the fact that the com was reformatted, and I set up a new system in the com. My dear brother had to install all those sh*t into the com again. ( Roughly 70% of the total main and external hard disk spaces were taken by his things. Among which 90% of them are junks, eg: Incompleted projects, incompleted downloads - Among which is a 5GB game but is unable to load )

I told him off, he shot back , I shot back. War begun. It was so intense that Mom had to come down to interupt. Got defeated badly, Mom went up and did her usual sh*t again. After this sh*t, Dad came down and told me off. F**K you @ssh**e. I dont get to see you more than 5hrs a week. You never spared any concern over my health. My Days. My Life. So who in the world told you to come and lecture me, although you are my Father in the name of Law.

I am emotionally dried up. I'm tired of this whole sh*t. I never had a good childhood, I never had anyone to depend on. No one. Not even my "Closest" friends understands my thoughts. It's not that they're incompetent or anything, but I'm more of a solo kia. I don't want them to know. After the 'O's, I'm gonna try to lead my OWN life. Do what I want. Get to find excuses to escape from this home. Home dont feel home anymore. My soul wander aimlessly in the dark, and amid the darkness, the moon shines lovely in the sky. Nevermind the light is reflected off the Moon's surface from the sun, the Moon does feel the void in my heart. But not all of it.

*Thinks of the song : MoonLight Shadow ( It's a great song )

I wept. For a few minutes. This has been years since I last cried. What is my purpose?

I look for this special person who can make me forget all my worries. To feel my heart flutter again. Get to feel what Love really is. Should I get to find her one day, I would also want to love her all my best. Be there for her. Live life to the fullest together.

This song by Cascada expresses what I think I think it is :

I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why.
Without you it's hard to survive.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry.
The good and the bad times, we've been through them all.
You make me rise when I fall.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel this static.
And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky.
Can't you hear my heart beat so...
I can't let you go.
Want you in my life.

'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side.

- I feel lost. Dear God, I know this is very unlike me for I always contradict your existence, but let me score well for my "O"s to enter a good JC, and maybe, I'll get to see her, and also find out my purpose in life. I'll do my best in this remaining days towards the big "O"s, and to also always give all my best to everything which matters.

*I'm a freethinker.